October 2025
It's not even so much that it happens so often now, maybe it's because of m n changed answer. The question "What do you do, study?" seems to return with each new encounter.
This is the second school year that I am not writing my new schedule in my calendar, as I am no longer studying. The greatest unaccustomedness, as I described in my last letter, has since worn off, but I can't say I have it all figured out. It is still a quest for routine, feeling what I can say 'yes' or 'no' to, making and not making, and making sure that extra jobs remain extra. It is a constant scanning for priorities and then rearranging them.
Some are now doing a master's degree, others are working, some work for days at a time in a studio, some make something sporadically at home.
This past week I saw and talked to more former Academy classmates than I have in a long time. (This is an example of wanting to rearrange priorities some more, because how nice it was!) It is sometimes said that it is better not to compare yourself, after all everyone walks a different path, but in a way all those differences can also be affirming. Some are now doing a master's degree, others are working, some work for days at a time in a studio, some make something sporadically at home. We don't quite know yet, we all agree that it seems much shorter than a year (and a summer) since we graduated. Perhaps Sam is right on target with his letter: a year is actually incredibly short, too.
But anyway, "What do you do, do you study?" so I feel I hear very often. I just don't know exactly what I do. Usually in situations like this I do tell people that I studied at art school, which leads to: "ohh, so you're an artist then? Basically yes, only I don't recognize my making process and pace as my making process during my college years, so I sometimes find it hard to label myself that way. Sometimes I don't talk about art in these situations, just because it's such a short polite chat, or because I'm in a shy mood. Then it's about the side jobs we have, the desire to want to read more (a library membership is one thing, actually reading more is another), the state of the world (ouch) and how nice the watery autumn sunshine feels on our skin today.
The way I introduce and shape my artistry is most likely going to remain fluid.
It took a while for this to feel okay; during my academy days, the study I did was sort of defining who I am and what I do. Now that that has changed, sometimes it almost feels warped if I don't mention that when I introduce myself. The fact is, sometimes conversations are short, sometimes the art feels closer and sometimes I forget that, as nice as it was at the academy, I have a lifetime of artistry ahead of me. The way I introduce and shape my artistry is most likely going to remain fluid.
I'm still figuring it out and I'm trying to do that in front of others
Well, maybe in another year I will think very differently about this, because if anything is permanent, it is change. For now, at any rate, I look on with admiration at all those different paths of the people who hiked part of the route with m. What we call ourselves may also be quite an afterthought. So, what do I do, do I study? Long answer short: no, I am no longer studying, I am still figuring it out and I am trying to do that in front of others. I have a part-time job, I try to spend a few days a week in the studio, and I'm a bit of a homebody, because with any luck my neighbor's cat will come and visit me. Oh, and I'm an artist, mostly.
Love, Esmée
P.S. What do you call yourselves?
English 
Dutch